I haven't talked about this, but I feel that you all should know. I'm actually going through a very painful loss, and since all of you happen to be my friends ( those who are watching me ) and it's important I tell you this because it's VERY important to me....
Anyways, here it goes:
...My baby, Chocolate Chip had passed away.
As soon as I got back from my trip with my bf to New York, my uncle had gone home after watching after Angel and Chocolate Chip, but little Chocy was half his size when I came home. He was sneezing a lot more than usual, and just a couple of days after, he passed away. *sob* It was a Monday morning around 7 am; in just the beginning of September, 2009.
Before my mom and I had realized it, he was suffering from pneumonia. We tried feeding him, holding him, bathing him, playing or at least giving him a lot of attention; but soon it became too late...I bathed him twice before his death, and mentally noted the symptoms he was feeling. First, he was having a hard time balancing himself, then he couldn't eat nor drink, then he started shutting down because he could hardly lift himself up, so I placed him on a heating pad to keep warm while sleeping with me in my bed with covers over him so that he wouldn't catch a cold. Soon enough, it was morning, I was getting even more worried, so I prayed and prayed with hot tears dripping down my face. I just really thought I could help him, because at 6 in the morning, I was still awake, and Chocy had his body/head rested upon a soft and comfy shirt of mine which I used to wear a long time's back, with a light sheet overed over his body up to his belly. I held his tiny little paws before his breathing died out. Sure enough, he went out like a light and I saw him go with my very own eyes. *cry*
His heartbeat slowed down and...well, I.....I had to give his angels my permission to let him go. I told them to...well, to always "keep him out of the dark at all times, take very good care of him and keep him at a nicely-placed diet"...
I believe in God, I believe Chocy had a great life for 3 years, and I did everything I could....although, I also believe in heaven, and I believe Chocy is happy now that he isn't suffering anymore...even though I know my mom and I will miss him/ he will miss us deeply, we pray from him and hope to one day see him again in his afterlife.
Funny enough though, I don't seem to blame anyone for the incident but myself.
Right after Chocy died, I cried the whole day long; but I still remembered at the same time that since he was happy to be in a heavenly paradise now, I could be happy for him.
A couple of days after, my mom and I finally buried him into the ground and made a little gravestone for him that said the following on it; because it was all I could fit onto there:
~Chocolate Chip~
2007~2009
I also made an upside-down heart shape over his grave with tree leaves and flowers. I placed one yellow flower beside his gravestone in spite of all the other flowers on top his grave which were pinkish white. Sweet little Chocy was not only like a son to me, my baby, but also my best friend. And to me, he was one out of a million. I guess throughout some time I din't realize just how much I loved him deeply as so until the time came for his deceasing moment...:'((((((((((
I've thought it through, and this song fit perfectly for how I felt for Chocy when he died.
THIS IS FOR YOU, CHOCOLATE CHIP! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
*A candle is lit in the darkness of the stormy night, as the following music is being played*
[ *ENGLISH* ]
"....Is this the moment where i look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you`ll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change even if i tell you i won`t go away today
Will you think that you`re all alone
When no one`s there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary rest your head
I`m permanent
I know he`s living in hell every single day
And so i ask oh god is there some way for me to take his place
And when they say it`s all touch and go i wish i could make it go away
But still you say
Will you think that you`re all alone when no one`s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head
I`m permanent
I`m permanent
Is the moment where i look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you`ll never see me cry...."
[ *RUSSIAN* ]
"....Это тот момент, когда я смотрю вам в глаза?
Простите за невыполненное обещание, что вы `LL Never See Me Cry
И все, он, несомненно, изменится даже если я вам скажу I Won `T уехать сегодня
Вы думаете, что вы `Re All Alone
Когда никто не `S там держать вас за руку?
И все вы знаете, кажется, так далеко, и все остальные временные голову
I `M постоянный
Я знаю, что он `S, живущих в аду каждый день
Итак, я прошу Боже Есть ли способ для меня занять его место
И когда они говорят, что `S всех Но все-таки вы говорите
Вы думаете, что вы `Re одиночестве, когда никто` S там держать вас за руку?
Когда все вы знаете, кажется так далеко, и все временное, отдых голове
I `M постоянный
I `M постоянный
Является ли момент, когда я смотрю вам в глаза?
Простите мое обещание, что вы `LL Never See Me Cry...."
[ *FRENCH* ]
"....Est-ce le moment où je vous regarde dans les yeux?
Pardonnez ma promesse »que vous verrez jamais me faire pleurer
Et tout, cela changera certainement, même si je vous dis que j'ai gagné le `t go away aujourd'hui
Est-ce que tu crois que tu es seul »
Quand on ne s `y tenir la main?
Et tout ce que vous savez semble si loin et c'est tout repos temporaire de votre tête
I `m permanent
Je sais qu'il `s vivant dans l'enfer tous les jours
C'est pourquoi je demande oh Dieu est-il un moyen pour moi de prendre sa place
Et quand ils disent que l `ensemble des touch and go Je voudrais pouvoir la faire disparaître
Mais encore vous dire
Est-ce que tu crois que tu es seul »alors que personne ne s` y tenir la main?
Quand vous le savez tous semble si loin et tout est temporaire, le repos de votre tête
I `m permanent
I `m permanent
C'est le moment où je vous regarde dans les yeux?
Pardonnez ma promesse »que vous verrez jamais me faire pleurer...."
[ *SPANISH* ]
¿Es este el momento en que te miro a los ojos?
Perdona mi promesa rota que nunca `ll see me cry
Y todo, sin duda va a cambiar, incluso si te digo que no se van de casa hoy
¿Usted piensa que usted `re all alone
Cuando nadie `s allí para mantener la mano?
Y todo lo que sé, parece tan lejos y es todo lo que reposo temporal de la cabeza
I `m permanente
Sé que `s que viven en el infierno cada día
Y por eso pido ¡Oh, Dios existe alguna manera de que pueda ocupar su lugar
Y cuando dicen que `s todos los touch and go me gustaría poder hacer que se vaya
Pero todavía dices
¿Usted piensa que usted `re solo cuando nadie` s allí para mantener la mano?
Cuando todo lo que sé, parece tan lejos y todo lo que es temporal, el resto de la cabeza
I `m permanente
I `m permanente
Es el momento en que te miro a los ojos?
Perdona mi promesa de que nunca `ll see me cry...."
R.I.P.
~Chocolate Chip~
2007~2009
"In loving memory of a rat who was one out of a million. He was sweet, loving, beautiful and smart; and from this moment and on for all time, his spirit shall stand, and arise from the past tragedy. His sweet soul shall live on forever, and shall thy let God to lift thou high and with tender thought, with God setting thou's spirit free to roam in heaven and be the happiest ratty in the world, to make thou the most beautiful rat angel there ever was....Amen."
Every day I pray for Chocy and have faith that he is alright and enjoying his second life to come. If anyone else is to adopt him, this message is to them:
"Chocolate Chip was a creamy white little ratty, plump and sweet, with fuzzy silk ears and black Chocolate Chip-like spot all over his body. Two his belly, On big one under his left armpit, one on top of his back, and black all over his face with a white line above his forehead; and white underneath his chin-down. And last but not least, he had gorgeous violet sky-blue eyes that purified his innocence. Take very good care of my beautiful angel and treat him with the most decent respect. I love him, and wish him good luck to his new well-being. On and on this will go on for; and the next ones who will have him must do the same too."
Enjoy Chocy and take very VERY good care of him for me. Thank you,
~Dusk.
Thought I'd say a few words for him here and let out my grief. He truly was a sweetie....
And further more, Angel is having her sad times and is going through the same problem of pneumonia, but this time I am going to try harder while I still can and keep her going as long as possible. So far it's going good and she is taking her medication and eating/drinking while I give her plenty of attention to help.
So anyway, you all have a nice day, and I thank you so very much for reading this. You've just made my day/night. *manages to make a small smile and blows out her candle*
~Posted by Dusk/Jublenarris, 11:28 pm, Wednesday, 9/23/2009.
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